Saturday, June 19, 2010

Diagram of a True (Or Mostly True) Cubs Fan

Hi. I'm tired. This is a boring sentence. Amazingly, not everything that comes out of my mouth is sassy and delightful. Therefore, instead of talking about my sooper fun filled Cubs game, I'mma draw pictures of what a True Cubs Fan looks like. Sort of.

You see, they travel in packs. They've always got silly-ass little purses to hold their money for Diet Cokes in. Their hair is unsusceptible to the elements. It's amazing.


Here's what happens on a windy day to their hair. I tell you, it's something to see.


The sparkles, I think, are the sparkles that protect their hair against the elements. Each sparkle is + 1 XP at being a True Cubs Fan. Side effects include knowing all the cute little Wrigley jingles, only knowing Sammy Sosa was a player (once), and rooting for a team that lost ten to zero today and hasn't won a World Series in 101 years.

On the other hand, here's what I look like at a Cubs game:




It's Wrigley Field, I know it. It's teamed up with wind-power to single out those of us who didn't buy Cubs shirts right before the game.

You know what else is remarkable about Cubs games? The food. Daddy dear, who came back into town to watch this game, decided through some flayed logic that the food MUST be healthier after five years of not being at Wrigley Field. So while Sister got a chicken sandwich and he got a hot dog, we looked around. It was astounding, the amount of healthy food they had. You've got your basic fruit from lemonade smoothies, your vegetables in the onions and jalapeno peppers on the burgers, you've got your starch from fries, your fat from chocolate malts, and your grease from basically anything above. Intent on finding something vegetarian, Daddy dear left us and came back with this:



It was the thought that counted.

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