How To Make Crappy Internet Work (with a few handy examples from my own laptop!!) and If It Doesn't, What To Do

1.Bribery and threats.

2.Flail laptop around the room at random, looking in vain for hidden pockets of WIFI.

3.Refresh. A lot.

4.Smack computer. This used to work in sixth grade.

5.Pray.

6.Yell a lot. Maybe the internet gods will hear you.

7.Convince the computer that, logically, it should be working since it’s already loaded the page.



8.Mind-meld with the computer. Make it feel your frustration.

9.Refuse to accept that there might actually be a connection problem. It’s impossible---it was working two seconds ago.

10.Plead. Bargain with laptop. Offer sacrifices of chocolate.

11.Try to break down laptop’s self-esteem by telling it it’s way littler than other, better laptops.

12.Switch the little connection-button on and off repeatedly and wait for the signal to come back.

13.Since best WIFI Is under bed, toss laptop under there, and wait to see if it works. This can also be used as a threat to your computer since Cat sits under there and will likely destroy it by sitting on it.

14.Use your imagination power. Visualize the internet working in your mind…now project that image onto the failure screen. It worked in LOST.

15. Take time to do those things you don't ever get time to do while you wait for your homepage to load. Set your alarm clock! Floss! Cook potatoes! Use those ten-to-thirty-minute internet-fail spasms to build yourself an Empire of Productivity!

16. Chant 'BUFFERING' really loudly until you get bored or the word starts to sound funny and not like a real word.

17. Use laptop as chic new briefcase by putting all your papers in between the keyboard and screen. It will serve more use AND be fashionable!

18.By all means, DON’T call Comcast. They get mad when you swear at them.