The only inception going on before this movie was a whole lotta incepting of beer into mouths and therefore hallucinations into brains which turned into ideas which turned into movie which turned into profit, which is actually a brilliant formula.
Seeing this movie hurt my brain, but not because of its intelligence. Sure, the movie was great to watch----if you liked romance, there was a whole different romance section that included the repeating of only three phrases!!! (they went like this: (breathily muttered by French lady) 1. “Do you remember… when you asked me… to marry you? *lusty sigh*” 2. “There is a train, and you don’t know where it’s taking you, but you know where you want it to take you, but you don’t really know for sure… *dramatic pause* 3. “Think of James…now think of Phillipa…now…repeat that…”). If you liked action, there was shoot em’ up action (complete with faceless Mr. Smiths *cough* I mean projections!) on three dream levels!!! If you liked those mystery-murder corporate scandal movies, well, too bad, since that’s the actual plot of the movie and they forget that a lot. If you liked anything else, though, besides a whole lot of thinking, you were screwed. The movie’s characters and plot went like this:
LEO DICAPRIO: I am angsty because I lost my wife. I killed her even though I actually didn’t. Pity me, young and naïve Ellen Page.
ELLEN: *in a sad, tearstained voice* Oh Leo, you go through so much hardship and problems!!! You need me there to sort out your issues because no one else, not even your adult friends, can!!! Also, I make a convenient narrator to give recaps to the confused audience!!!
JOSEPH G-L (ARTHUR): Since I am the best friend and all around good guy, I will not say anything and constantly bail my friends out of danger. I am also one of the two characters who make a few funny jabs at each other, which get a couple weak giggles out of the audience.
CHEMIST GUY: I’m a chemist. I drug people. *Shadowy giggle*
(Arthur, Leo, and Ellen engage in a lot of strapping themselves to this mysterious drug-box which is never explained. They go on fanciful adventures into Leo’s past and, oh yeah, the main plot of the movie, this weak corporate scheme.)
ELLEN: Wait!! Wait!! *Dramatic head fling* What IS the point of this movie? Let me explain a few times!
MAIN INCEPTION PLOT LINE THEY’RE TRYING TO ACCOMPLISH:
The son of this big business executive wants to carry on in his father’s footsteps, but that’s bad since…well, I don’t know, it was just bad. This Asian man wants Leo to go deep into the son’s subconscious and convince him to make his own company. I don’t know why they couldn’t just talk it out like normal people, but whatever. The beef of the movie is them going deeper and deeper into his mind, which is protected by faceless dudes with guns, to try and get it ‘on the lowest level’ that he has to change.
LEO: Thanks Ellen. Thank God we brought you along.
(Team frolics about in Son Guy’s brain---Asian guy gets shot)
LEO: Oh no! He’s my ticket back to my children! I mean, even though I don’t have a lawyer or anything and I’m supposedly a murderer, this sketchy Asian man told me I could go home and I totally believe it!
(Son Guy gets shot)
ELLEN: There’s only one thing to do. We’ve got to go to Hell. Apparently, people can’t die in this movie.
(Deep stuff about death ensues)
MAL (Evil French lady): *lusty sigh* Stay with me Leo. We have children. Think of James. THINK OF PHILLIPPA.
LEO: *Dramatic head fling* NO!! I CANNOT SEE THEIR FACES for some reason
MAL: STAY WITH ME HUSBAND I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME
ELLEN: I’m done messing around in your life! Ellen OUT *jumps off house with Son Guy, who never says anything but will probably need a therapist by the time this is over*
LEO: I CHOOSE YOU, ELLEN!!! SO LONG, SUCKER
EVERYTHING RESOLVES ITSELF HOORAH
EXCEPT DID IT??? *impressive music* WHO KNOWS EVERYTHING’S A LIE
And that’s the movie. It was confusing, it had too many plots, it stole ideas that I’d had before (Curse you movie writers! I bet you CAN incept ideas from other people!), it had flat characters (Joseph G-L didn’t get enough lines) and it had plot holes. It hurt to think about, it was long, and it had this scary Demon Movie preview that had KK and me laughing hysterically even though the preview wasn’t funny and people looked at us weird and I stepped on the same couple’s toes, TWICE, since movie theatres are not accustomed to fat people and there was no room for the both of us.
In short it was brilliant, and I want to see it again.
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