Driving and Why it Sucks

Counting today, four people have given me half a peace sign out their window,one's followed me and swore at me, one has followed me home to tell me not to be so suckish at life, I've had enough honks to sprinkle a birthday cake with, and several pictures taken of my bad parking jobs.

This does NOT make me a bad driver. I'd like to point out I STILL am alive. Also my passengers mainly survive, although that doesn't keep them from being sassy.





So, I'd like to take some time to celebrate all the lovely friends I've made on the road.



Driving and Why it Sucks:

Honking


You're turning right and there's a red light for two seconds and this happens:





Hearing a short light honk:





Hearing long multiple honks:





Police Cars

Once you get pulled over, you are scarred for life.

Driving in Dark:




Driving in Dark and the light behind you changes:





Today I ran into this guy:






I couldn't tell if he was a po po or if he just had serious douchetastical car bling. Seriously? Flashing tail and headlights in different colours? Who you tryin to fool, foo?

Those police cars that creep slowly behind you for miles:







Luckily I have devised a tried-and-true method for avoiding these flicker-offers and angry fat men who are delayed getting to their destination on time by two seconds and police cars that hunker down on roadsides threateningly, like a momma caribou.

Just avoid eye contact. And DON'T ROLL DOWN THE WINDOW.

That Day When Moses Forgot To Part The Red Sea and the Ark Was Late By Like 40,000 Years

Well, I had to make it to school today just so I could park in my damn senior/staff parking spot, which was *only* for today, and to hell if five-foot water, driving rain, and yelling policemen with flares would stop me. So, basically, I owe getting to school to my boss/newly dubbed new tech leader man either way, because he inspired me by giving me a parking spot for the day and also he was the one who told me the name of Western Avenue, which is the road I took to school. This last sentence does not actually do the two and a half hours in the car I spent today justice, so, for your convenience, here’s a small screenplay.
RACHAEL: (singing along to les mis, but slowly getting quieter and angrier as time passes):Okay, all those exits are blocked, and THAT one has a submerged vehicle in it, sooooo we’ll save it for last. WHOS’ UP FOR NORTH CHICAGO??!
SISTER: We’re both gonna die.
RACHAEL: (laughing maniacally) Nonsense!!! Who said we’re gonna die?? A couple super deep puddles that come up to the bottom of my windows couldn’t possibly hurt anything!! And all the ambulances must be on their way to tea parties or something. And the fogged up windshield is…pretty?
SISTER:…(in shock) We’re gonna die. (Sit in silence, listening to now out of place Les Mis music)
RACHAEL: (thirty minutes later)(sweat drop rolls slowly down side of face)(singing): a…little fall of rain…can…hardly…hurt us now…..?
SISTER: Thassit. I’M ASKING FOR DIRECTIONS
RACHAEL: NOOO IMMA RESPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT
(After phone call made to very angry mom, with profanities on top)
MOM: RACHAEL PARK THE CAR.
RACHAEL(dramatic hair fling) BUT MOMMY NO! I CAN’T!! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET ANYWHERE????!
SISTER: We’re all gonna die.
RACHAEL: (cackling with hysterical laughter) OH EM JEEZUS I KNOW THIS ROAD!!!! *les mis tune* I’VE SEEN THIS FACE BEFORE….
WESTERN AVENUE: After all the time you spent driving through Lake Bluff, North Chicago, and the Back Roads, I am conveniently not flooded!!!
MOM: (deep menacing voice) YOU’LL NEVER MAKE IT, YOU FAILURE!!! HAAHAHAHAA
RACHAEL: (brandishing Super Driver cape and singing Les Mis still) I KNOW MY WAAAAY ARROUUUNNNDD!!!!! *reaches school, egg-rolls in and collapses in theatre*
So yeah. That was generally part of a day that didn’t get much better. Driving was probably the highlight.