Recipe Of The Day--- On Helpful Profit-Making Adulthood Stuff

So. Adulthood. That's that thing that people talk about a lot, right? I hear it in an increasing amount these days. And jobs...those too. If I could have a job sitting on a magic cloud telling people how to build sets whose ideas came from a magic floaty scroll that came down from the sky and landed in my hand with a little tap-dance, then, by God, I would. Unfortunately that's not how life works, so I should really zero down on one thing I can do and perfect it. Until then, I think I'll just scribble drawings and write words until they spontaneously morph into something that I could make a job out of.





It seems like a lot of other blog writers make their living on the four main types of blogs: The Kid Blog (The Smith Family's Adventures: Zoe and Jack, the Wonder Twins!) the Food Blog (A bunch of recipes), the Typical Blog (Random Ramblings from A Crazy Life---Just Some Random Ideas and Thoughts) and the Quaint Creative Artist Blog (Awww...scrapbook/picture frame/photography/pet photography/paintings/poetry/COMEBUYTHIS). Most of them are genuinely helpful and promotive (word?) for people's projects.

Therefore, I'm gonna do just that. I'm gonna make this the BEST MOST HELPFUL MOST INTERESTING DAMN BLOG POST IN HISTORY. Print this, stick it to your forehead, and use it to win life.

1. COOKING

Cooking is something that's useful AND fun, if you know how to do it. Unfortunately, the only things I can make are guacamole, toffee, and potato salad. However, all three are delicious, so if you combine them, they MUST be fabulous.

GUACATOFFAMOLE SALAD


You'll need:

3 avocados
2 sticks of butter
1/3 cup sugar
1 onion
12 golden potatoes
2 tomatoes
garlic powder
Tabasco sauce
2 teaspoons paprika
1 cup mayo
2 cups ranch
2 bags chocolate chips (1 for snacking out of while making dish)
onion powder
garlic
3 hardboiled eggs
3 normal eggs
more butter
bowl, for mashing
pot, for boiling
cookie sheet
cilantro/almonds/paprika for garnish


1. Boil potatoes, eggs and butter in pan. If we were making these recipes separately, they would be separate, but wasting pans is a no-no.

2. While ingredients are boiling, mash avocado, chop onions and tomatoes, and put ranch and mayo in a bowl. Pour the chopped/mashed vegetables into said bowl with ranch/mayo.

3. WHOOSH! TIME WARP---your potato/egg/butter mixture is ready!!! Mash all together and, after this develops into a sludgy mixture, pour onto a cookie sheet. BE CAREFUL NOT TO BURN YOURSELF---remember that mixture is hot, and although it looks tasty, it's actually boiling.







4. Melt chocolate (nothing different here. Melting chocolate is a serious business.)

5. Put garlic, paprika, cilantro, chocolate, Tabasco, and sugar into a separate bowl. Mix. Set aside.

6. Take vegetable mixture and layer ontop of egg/potato/butter mixture. Let cool.

7. Shake sugar/Tabasco/paprika mixture on top of vegetables.

8. Sprinkle almonds on top. Cilantro garnish may be used in place of this.

9. Surprise your family.




2. HOW TO DRAW

A lot of people think drawing is hard. Not so with this easy tutorial! Drawing is something that's fun, easy to do, and surprisingly does not really make a lot of money. I'm going to teach you how to draw…something. It'll have to be on Paint since that's what I use for my super high tech drawings. You may want to have pencil and paper in case you can’t figure out the high-techiness that is MS Paint.


1.Make a line. Feel free to use creative license.






2.Add something to that line. I added a circle, but don’t feel pressured.



3.Add two more lines. Mine looks like a legless stick figure. I shall call him Steve.




4.Add two more lines. These are Steve’s legs. Generally my people have a little more definition, like a blob for a hand or a square for a body, but these may have to wait until lesson two.






5.Decorate. Tape to fridge.




Now that you’ve learned to cook and draw, you’ll definitely be successful! Those industries are chock full of spots for you, just yearning for your newfound talents. Just remember where you learned them from, young padawan.

Being an Adult Is Fun (For The First Two Weeks)

Today I went to the grocery store. I know. YOU don’t think it’s exciting. Well, apparently YOU haven’t been grocery shopping with me. I had two hundred dollars to spend and about half of that was for dinner stuff, like healthy cheeses and fancy vegetables and stuff, so the other 100 went to stuff me and Sister have to survive on. It was kind of fun: I felt all authoritative and old, like ‘I can drive now! So now I can buy things that I actually like to eat but at the same time make responsible choices!’, which turned out to be Target-brand ‘Marshmallow Treasures’, chocolate milk, and Liquid Happiness. I bought yogurt, too, which has fruit so technically it’s healthy. We added up everything’s price so we didn’t over spend, and I felt like a college student/AWESOME. We even had enough money to go to Portillo’s after this was done, so it was really convenient/DOUBLY AWESOME. On the way there, however, I realized I was missing my phone and the last place I’d put it was on the Target checkout counter, so my awesome-osity was diminished by like 500 points. I sprinted back there, went to the Community Service desk thing or whatever it’s called, and saw a woman there trying to call my contacts list, which out of all seven people I had on it, probably none of them would be helpful. Anyway, I found my phone and enacted my Hero-Run back to my car, with dramatic music and everything, and me and Sister went to go gorge ourselves on our success.



FAIL MOMENT OF THE DAY: I left my phone in Target, the panic making me forget about groceries, which were left in the car for about 40 minutes while Sister and I had lunch, then I forgot that it was boiling and that Philip acts as a greenhouse-gas-inspired Fiery Pit of Hell for milk products, so when I poured a huge glass of chocolate milk later that day, I realized it was bad only after I’d drank it. Fail. This later was almost topped by my sister reasoning that since ONE egg broke in our new egg carton, all the eggs must be bad and therefore should be thrown out. I think Hitler used similar reasoning.