Suddenly, there was this great noise.
It was like in Jurassic Park when they’re sitting in the car and the water starts shaking in the footprint on the ground, and they heard this thump and there’s just this raw terror: that was what it was like.
So Sister and I turn around and are met with this sight:
It looks like a group of people training for the army. But they are all really buff and REALLY FAST. Also, they are screaming this long, droning roar that sounds as if they were Sparta and we were their enemies.
We turn back around and walk faster. Maybe they’ll just go away.
But then we turn around again. The guttural roaring gets closer and more droning.
I finally decided that it was time to kick into Life Protection Mode and get off the path. Luckily there was a convenient side street; we would soon count ourselves among the lucky few to survive this.
I respect whatever group they were training for, but they made me feel bad about myself. I, just a weedy high school girl taking Early Bird Gym in order to take a film class, could not handle this much manliness and endurance.
Then, as if in distaste at my failure, my bag of salsa Sunchips tried to put out my eye. I opened it and somehow, as if by the grace of the irony gods, the tiniest corner of a chip broke off and flew at the most direct trajectory and at the highest velocity (see, I can use physics!) TO BURY ITSELF IN MY CORNEA.
Not only that, but the chips are really salty and spicy, so it was burning like the fiery pits of Hell. I screamed and ran around the kitchen senselessly while my sister helpfully read off the list of ingredients, trying to find what was having a spice orgy in my eye.
Enjoy your safe and unharrowing lives. Protect your loved ones. Save Atlantis.
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